Caught in the Crossfire

  “When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it Be… There will be an answer, let it be”


~ The Beatles, Let it Be






Last Friday, I was driving down a main street in a medium sized, relatively populated town. A huge market spans out on either side of this main street and it’s never empty.

The first thing I saw was a few people running. Their body language told me they were afraid and desperate to get away. Next, I saw cars turning, the sort of u-turns you see in action films and know the stunt double is performing. Immediately I became tense and on edge. Fight or Flight.

Then I saw it. A police vehicle was being high jacked; driven backwards and in a zigzag pattern. I told my driver to turn the car around -- luckily we were just by a break in the median. Old and not prone to common sense or critical thinking under pressure (or not under pressure), he failed to respond.

I saw men fighting to gain control of fire arms, pulling and wrenching. I saw others fighting to gain control of the vehicle. Before I could scream at my driver again, I heard a shot. I hit the floor of the car immediately and hoped that my little sister had the presence of mind to do the same. I saw her folded over in her seat and thanked God for that.

I stayed down and heard more gun fire, a spraying of bullets. Once I heard a break in the fire I knew either someone had gone down or one side had won. Who or what didn’t interest me, as I tentatively raised my head and realized to my utter dismay that my car had not moved and the skirmish was still in effect only six feet from us.

I screamed continuously “Turn and move the car! MOVE THE CAR!” at my dumbstruck but still breathing driver. It seemed everything happened in slow motion and then suddenly, the car was moving at a pace more so to my liking. I didn’t look back as we put more and more distance between ourselves and the scene, but I did stay low in my seat until we turned a corner where bullets could not follow. After all, Mama didn’t raise no fool.

I think I saw the bullet hole in the windshield earlier but I had not examined it or its full implication until we were at a safe distance. A hole the size of a quarter with circular cracks and then angry zigzag cracks extended up from the rounded ones.   

All I could do was stare in disbelief and pray and say “Thank You”. All of us in my car were a few inches or a weaker glass away from a shallow grave and mourning relatives. Even thank you seemed inadequate.

We got out of the car and took pictures then. We laughed shakily with glistening eyes and called them “Happy to Be Alive” photos. And indeed we were.

Later while clearing out the shattered glass, I found the shell. Long and bronzed and thick enough to obliterate any human flesh in its trajectory, thank goodness for big-bodied vehicles.

After an experience like that, I expected to feel… new, affected, and insatiably positive. I just feel happy to still be breathing. None of my issues were magically solved. No instant resolutions to my internal changes, my emotions. I have been given a second chance and still don’t really know what to do with it.

I am a victim or an active seeker of over thinking. Always thinking, my minds gears never stop. I often find myself waking to a continuous train of cognizant thought, punctuated with a “thank you for waking me up today.” Sometimes I have trouble keeping up and I sound scattered. Sometimes I simply hold a thought in a queue and address it when I find a gap. This phenom presents itself as a delayed reaction to the outside world, and I guess it is.

I make things harder than they should be, all the time. So I have resolved at least one thing. I know from experience that a leopard cannot change its spots, but the way those spots are perceived can make a world of difference. I have decided to let it be. “It” being things, that used to stress me, set me on edge, occupy my mind without my express consent. Keep praying, don’t run or artfully dodge. Face down life as it comes, but let it be.